‘Glow With The Show’ Ears: A Front For In-Brain Marketing

Disney claims that their new ‘Glow With The Show’ Ear Hats “employ leading edge technology to light up and synchronize with each entertainment experience in amazing and dazzling new ways, making members of the audience an integral part of the show.”

Know before you go

However, after cracking open a prototype model obtained through backstage channels, our top analysts have discovered an image mapping microprocessor embedded within the device. This advanced technology has recently been reported to have made significant strides with brainwave mapping initiatives within the field of neuroscience.

Therefore, we feel it’s our responsibility to ask ourselves, why would Disney require such an advanced piece of technology in a seemingly simple device? The answer is obvious:

  1. Disney is planning to monitor their guests’ emotional reactions to live entertainment productions in real time throughout their theme parks. This will provide them with an advanced analytic feedback system that is unprecedented in their industry, accurately calculating ROI before the show is even over.
  2. This technology can also be used as a 2-way street. Just as the mouse will now be able to monitor brain activity, they can also directly implant subliminal marketing. After a live show or parade, guests will feel an overwhelming urge to make a beeline for Disney’s restaurants and gift shops.

“That’s fine,” you say. “I want Disney’s metrics to be as accurate as possible so that they have the knowledge to always provide me with the highest level of entertainment.” Well if you don’t mind, then go ahead and purchase yourself a shiny new pair of Ear Hats today!

But for the rest of us who think this is a fundamental violation of our human rights to privacy, a solution is available. We’ve just launched a Kickstarter campaign to raise money for the creation of what we’re calling, “Leave Me Alone” Ear Hats. These hats fit snugly underneath the “Glow With The Show” Ear Hats, but will contain an image blocking agent so as to prevent your brain from being mapped. Disney will instead receive a message from your hat indicating that you’d like to opt out from future in-brain marketing.

Please be aware, however, that testers of our product have reported trouble remembering their entire Disney vacation. We’re quickly working on a solution, but just in case we can’t find one, we’ve started a separate Kickstarter page to fund our “Disney Memories” Ear Hats, which will implant the memory of a Disney vacation taken by one of our staffers into your head in lieu of the one you’ve forgotten.

What do you think? If your brain has already been mapped by Disney, what did it feel like? If not, would you consider one of our Ear Hat solutions? Sound off in the comments!

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1 comment to ‘Glow With The Show’ Ears: A Front For In-Brain Marketing

  • Runion

    This brain scan hidden inside a disney ears hat doesn’t surprise me. The Disney Company has become rediculous to the point that they have taken away any perks to the guests. Try to get a ticket that won’t expire…. Park hoppers are much less visable and would be an incredible mistake if they took it away. Popular attractions have been closed, remember Alien Encounter, replaced by a silly movie charactor, and not even in fantasy land. We are seeing less and less adult entertainment, and more childrens attractions… not what Walt Disney planned for his parks. Roy Disney knew the Disney Company board members were getting out of hand and thus his revolt.. I believe he was only allowed back in because they realized Roy wouldn’t be around long and having him seat at spot at the boards table would rest any other anti disney claims.
    read around the net and you find more and more information that has leaked out that the disney company is a monster with only the dollar in its eyesight. Walts plan for the parks was to have convenient pet shelters within walking distance of the resorts… The bean counters closed them down and built one large facility, in a not so convenient out of the way spot and brought in an outside company to man it. You can’t walk to the facility, it’s too far and you can’t take your dog on disney transportation. So what are you supposed to do?
    Though the resorts and parks are not what they are supposed to be according to Walts plan, they still do entertain, at a cost that the bean counters increase heavily every year at least once.
    After the monorail incedent, I believe the people who are supposed to make good decisions just blunder through the day. It was mentioned in the papers that a procedure was changed, against Bombediers warnings, to get the monorail switched to the main line. The accident occurred and the person incharge was relocated to another position….Someone died in that accident and the rules were changed for safe operation… Disney is out of control.